−150 °F

The Day After Tomorrow would be horrible if it happened in real life. I watched it in my sophomore chemistry class. Before that, I knew only about the semi-iconic image of the Statue of Liberty buried in snow. The Day After Tomorrow is about a modern ice age. One that starts with unusual storms, followed by several feet of snow. It was at this point I realized that all Roland Emmerich movies were the same. They all have a large ensemble cast, strained relationships, predictable deaths, hero scientists, impossible survival scenes, and love for asian people. The disaster scenes are definitely impressive and exciting. It’s just the characters that are typically 1 dimensional. I usually wonder, with most disaster movies, if I could survive it. I’m not crazy about excessive cold. The Day After Tomorrow should hopefully remain fiction.

New York City covered in several feet of snow

The Friendly Monster

Even if you don’t watch anime, I recommend My Neighbor Totoro. It’s short and sweet (only 1hr and 28m). There’s no complicated premise or complexly detailed visuals in this one. And it still manages to be one of the best Hayao Miyazaki movies that I’ve seen. My Neighbor Totoro is about a family that moves to a small town where the kids discover that their neighbor is a friendly monster named Totoro. What follows is a cute story with whimsy to spare. Expect plenty of Japanese culture being explored. My Neighbor Totoro is just the kind of movie to put you in a good mood.

Satsuki and her sister wait at the bus stop with Totoro

My Mother the Stripper

Striptease is the second worst stripper movie that I’ve seen. Showgirls will always be the worst. By comparison though, Striptease probably didn’t deserve to win Worst Picture. Don’t get me wrong, it’s bad (like really bad). I just think the main reason it won was because Showgirls literally won the year before. They even have the same actress in both movies (Rena Riffel). The only difference is the tone. Showgirls is a drama that feels like a comedy. While Striptease is a comedy that wants to be a drama. I wish these stripper movies would just make up their minds. It’s not totally horrible. Some of the actors actually seem like they’re at least trying. Demi Moore is the only one trying to be dramatic. Which ruins the whole mood of the movie. Burt Reynolds on the other hand is so bad that I can’t believe Boogie Nights was his next performance. The most out of place thing though is the stripping scenes. All of the scenes feel like filler. Seriously, they’ll have an important scene in the story intercut with a nameless strippers performance. Sure they look good, but at what cost. A movie about a mother who becomes a stripper could have been done much better. Striptease just wastes it on cringy comedy and in your face nudity (not that I’m complaining about that).

Erin strips

Dig it Up

Holes is one of the first books I read before I saw the movie. I first read the book in my 3rd grade class. Well I mean I read it with the class at least. I even remember that we mailed a letter to the author of the book. He actually responded by telling us that he had a cameo in the movie. Something I probably would have found out eventually, but it was a nice piece of insight. Holes is about a youth that gets wrongly convicted for a crime he didn’t commit. So he has two choices, juvy or correctional camp. What makes Holes really interesting is the way it juggles three different timelines. With each one contributing something good to the story. One involving a pig, one involving an outlaw named Kissin’ Kate Barlow, and the main story involving digging holes. This was actually Shia Labeouf’s first starring role. He certainly seemed to have a bright future ahead of him. It’s so good that you might forget it’s a Disney movie. Holes is an underrated treasure that deserves to be dug up.

Stanley Yelnats covered in Yellow Spotted Lizards

Bombs lots of Bombs

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is best described as a black comedy/political satire. Even if you’ve never seen it before, chances are you recognize the iconic image of a cowboy riding an active bomb. It’s also one of Stanley Kubrick’s most well known movies. Though I do find the movie to be a bit difficult to review. You just might have to see it understand it. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb has it’s fair share of humor. Including Peter Sellers in multiple funny roles. The subject matter, I would say, is probably more relevant now than its ever been. Plus, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is such a long title that’s fun to say.

The War Room

Pray on It

Chances are, you’ve never heard of War Room. War Room is a christian drama about a mother/wife who starts praying for her husband. I’ve mentioned numerous times that I’m a christian. And as such, I feel it’s necessary to watch a christian movie every once and awhile. So does that mean I instantly love the movie. Well yes and no. Any movie that brings awareness to christian values is alright by me. Although, I only wish it was done better as a movie. The acting is best described as “beginner.” Most of the actors in the movie aren’t what you’d call traditional actors. I don’t normally use the word preachy, but yeah, War Room is preachy. It felt more like listening to a sermon than watching a movie. I think I’d recommend that you go to church more than I’d recommend watching the movie.

Elizabeth (right) and Miss Clara (left) pray together

Alien Annoyance

My Favorite Martian is a bad movie. The jokes are lame, the effects are cheesy, and it’s often juvenile. But gosh darnit, I still like it. Like many movies of my childhood (see Wild Wild West review) it’s difficult to hate. My brother has pretty much turned his back on it though. Me other the other hand, not that simple. I never watched the TV show, but it didn’t seem necessary back then. My Favorite Martian was a movie that my brother and I watched numerous times. It’s not the worst movie ever made. There are some good moments. Like the ice cream scene for example. In conclusion, see My Favorite Martian with a glimmer of innocence and it may not seem so bad.

Martin sticks out his tongue

In Your Eyes

Say Anything… is the kinda movie that I only know about because of one scene. The famous boombox as a grand romantic gesture scene. Other than that, I had no idea what the movie was about. However, I decided to watch it when my mom said how good it was. Say Anything… is actually about two very different people falling in love. A down on his luck guy who loves kickboxing (sport of the future) falls in love with a straight A goody two-shoes. It’s a teen movie, so expect a lot of random teen struggles. I also wasn’t entirely familiar with John Cusack before I saw the movie. Probably the most relatable thing about the movie is the main character’s relationship with women. I myself can relate to hanging out with girls more than hanging out with guys. It gives you a deeper understanding of the opposite sex. All these reasons and more are why Say Anything… is worth watching. I’ll literally say anything.

Lloyd plays “In your eyes” for Diane

Don’t Run with Scissors

Edward Scissorhands is Tim Burton’s best film and character he’s ever created. For a while I even considered it among my “Top 10 Favorite Movies.” Only because I saw it recently and remembered how much I loved it. Edward Scissorhands has Tim Burton written all over it. It’s darkly creative, stars an outcast, and makes you sympathize with them. It’s also the movie that cemented Johnny Depp’s career of playing a weirdo in weird makeup. Since this is the first of many Burton/Depp film collaborations. As well as the movie where former nerd Anthony Michael Hall changed his image to that of a bully. It’s also technically Vincent Price’s last film appearance before his passing. Edward Scissorhands is a dark fairytale about an artificial man with scissors for hands. One of the residents of his towns, Peg, discovers him and decides to take him into the brightly colorful town. Where she lets him stay with her family while he gets adjusted. Becoming something of a local celebrity by trimming hedges and cutting hair. At least until the town turns on him. Edward is probably the most sympathetic Tim Burton character I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t say much, but I truly feel his pain. Luckily, there’s plenty of humor to balance things out, and a beautiful romance too. Between Edward and Peg’s teenage daughter Kim (played of course by Winona Ryder). The ending is bittersweet, but understandably so. You don’t have to be goth to appreciate it. Edward Scissorhands is truly a cut above the rest.

Edward bares his scissor hands

Gitchy Gitchy Ya Ya

Moulin Rouge! is probably the weirdest movie to have ever been nominated for “Best Picture.” Like many other movies of the early 2000’s, I saw the preview a lot on vhs. Though I never really knew what Moulin Rouge! was. I just knew the trailer word for word. So I always kept the movie in mind. When I finally did see the movie, I thought it was bizarre. Bizarre because hearing a selection of old and new songs sung in the early 20th century is bizarre. This is what you’d call a Jukebox musical. Now, I like any excuse to sing, and Moulin Rouge! gets the job done. Though I don’t think the movie warranted a “Best Picture” nomination. Not that I didn’t like the movie. It’s more of a guilty pleasure. The production design is grand, the romance is engaging, and it’s so off the wall that it’s funny. So take a trip to the Moulin Rouge! This story is about love.

Satine and Christian sing the night away