Fraternal Instinct

Junior is about a man having a baby. Who’s the man, you may ask? Why Arnold Schwarzenegger of course. Junior completes the Ivan Reitman directed Arnold starring comedy trilogy. As a comedy, Junior is actually not overly hilarious. It may seem like a funny premise, but it’s actually handled very seriously. Which is ironic considering Reitman’s son directed the greatest pregnancy comedy of all time (Juno). You may be wondering how a man can give birth. Well its done in a scientific way. One that’s probably impossible to pull off in real life. There are some good Arnie lines here, but pretty much everything he says sounds like a great line. I’ve seen Junior almost as many times as I’ve seen Twins and Kindergarten Cop. It always feels like a let down compared to the other two. Though if you’re an Arnold fan like I am, watch it anyway.

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Larry feels Alex’s baby bump

Disco Dancing

Saturday Night Fever is probably the most unexpectedly adult movie I’ve seen. I knew it was R, but I didn’t expect it to be that R. Everybody knows Saturday Night Fever as the movie that launched John Travolta’s career. The opening “Stayin’ Alive” sequence will go down in movie history as one of the most iconic openings ever. The opening and the disco dancing numbers were all I knew about the movie. Boy was I surprised when I saw the whole movie. Saturday Night Fever is filled with strong language, adult situations, and controversial topics. The 70’s was a bit of a transitional period for Hollywood. R rated movies were a lot more adult during this time. Actually, the more I think about it, dancing movies often deal with controversial topics. As a dance movie, Saturday Night Fever has some of the best. John Travolta is surprisingly good with the drama his character goes through. Saturday Night Fever is the most 70’s movie you can watch. It’ll make you want to get up dance the night away.

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Tony dances the night away

Goldfish Girl

Ponyo is perhaps the cutest anime movie that I saw. This would be my fourth time talking about a Hayao Miyazaki movie. I figured I’d talk about all of his short and sweet movies before I got into the densely complex stuff. Ponyo is the story of a goldfish princess who longs to be human. So she becomes human and that leads her to live with a boy and his mother. The most high stakes thing to happen in the movie is a tsunami. I’ve seen just about every Hayao Miyazaki movie and I think Ponyo is the only one I might rewatch. It’s funny, cute, and easy to watch. If you have kids and want to expose them to anime, then I’d suggest they watch Ponyo first.

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Ponyo (left) becomes a human for Sōsuke (right)

Green Power

The Meteor Man is an underrated gem (or should I say, meteor). The Meteor Man is a superhero movie with an all black cast about a teacher gaining superpowers from a meteorite. Powers which include: flight, x-ray/laser vision, superhuman strength, speed, and hearing, invulnerability, healing powers, the ability to absorb a book’s content by touch, super breath, telepathy with dogs, and telekinesis. So pretty much everything. The story is very urban friendly, with themes such as coming together as a neighborhood. The main threat in the movie is actually a gang called the Golden Lords. As a superhero, The Meteor Man is fairly standard. It’s actually the only superhero movie to be directed by the star of the movie. The powers are pretty cool, it can be funny, and the movie is filled with respectable black actors. I guess the main problem with the movie is how cheesy it can be. Its not deep or anything. The Meteor Man is just a fun original superhero movie.

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Meteor Man powers up

What a Way to Make a Living

Have you ever seen a comedy, knew it was funny, liked it, but not not laugh at it once? That’s how I feel about 9 to 5. 9 to 5 came out in the very early 80’s and is about a trio of ladies getting revenge on their boss. Their boss is a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot. So they contemplate killing him, but a series of misunderstandings leads to them kidnapping him instead. 9 to 5 has strong performances from all three of its leading ladies. I think maybe I just had a hard time finding the humor in the movie. The jokes are a little more subtle and not really laugh out loud. Aside from that, 9 to 5 was a very significant movie. Its famous song of the same name was nominated for an Oscar. The movies themes are a lot like modern times. And I bet you didn’t know that this was the movie that eventually beat The Empire Strikes Back at the box office. Punch in and enjoy.

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Violet (left), Doralee (center), and Judy (right) make a difference

Who is Your Daddy, and What Does He Do?

Kindergarten Cop is the perfect blend of Arnold’s action movies and his comedy movies. Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a cop who has to go undercover as a kindergarten teacher. How could you not love this movie? Kindergarten Cop features some of Arnie’s best one liners including “It’s not a tumor,” “There is no bathroom,” and “Shut up!!!” I saw many Schwarzenegger movies when I was younger, but Kindergarten Cop was the first one I saw that was sort of for children. The best thing about the movie is the children. Some of the kids even manage to upstage Arnold, they’re so hilarious. Some critics complained about the blending of genres. The fact that kids are involved in some intense situations for example. I don’t get that criticism, because it’s not like the movie is R rated. I’ve seen Kindergarten Cop many times and everytime I see it I have fun watching it. I think I’ve seen it more than any other Schwarzenegger movie actually. It’s fun for the whole family.

Kindergarten Cop

“Shut up!!!”

Twilight with Zombies

Warm Bodies is a lot like Twilight for many reasons. Both feature a romance, both feature a young adult cast, and both feature a supernatural race that’s never looked hotter. The only difference, Warm Bodies doesn’t totally suck. Warm Bodies focuses on a zombie simply named R, who discovers a group of people who hunt zombies. Everything changes when one of the survivors named Julie makes his heart beat again. Warm Bodies is surprisingly funny and thoughtful. Something Twilight couldn’t capture with feeling creepy. When I first found out about this movie, I was skeptical. However, after watching it, I immediately liked it. I don’t see a lot of zombie movies, but the portrayal here is a welcomed diversion from the grotesque brain eaters we’re used to. If you’re in anyway interested in zombies, I highly recommend Warm Bodies.

R protects Julie

Ack Ack Ack

I’ve seen Mars Attacks! more than any other Tim Burton movie. When I was younger, I used to own it on VHS. Which meant I could watch it on a semi regular basis. Thanks to Mars Attacks! and other sci fi movies, I became obsessed with aliens. In fact, Mars Attacks! inspired two separate alien races that I created. But enough about that, how does the movie hold up. Mars Attacks! is an ensemble that features far too many celebrities for me to name. Kind of like Independence Day in its set up. Aliens invade earth, attack anything that moves, and are eventually defeated in such a weird way that I won’t dare spoil it. As a Tim Burton movie, it’s probably the brightest and most colorful. The use of CGI is also different, but it was originally meant to be stop motion. Though it may seem dated, I think the movie holds up rather well. If you want to watch a fun, nonsensical, straight forward alien invasion movie. Mars Attacks! is the movie you’re looking for.

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The Martians attack

Sell Me this Pen

The Wolf of Wall Street is one of the most excessive movies ever made. It’s 3 hours long, has a f*** ton of language, several naked women, and a whole lot of drug use. If it wasn’t so f***ing popular, I probably wouldn’t have seen it as soon as I did. I’ve reviewed a few f***ing Martin Scorsese movies in the past, and I usually say the same f***ing thing. For example, the main character is so f***ing unlikable that he’s f***ing likeable. The Wolf of Wall Street is based on the true story of Jordan Belfort. A man who built a f***ing fortune in Wall Street by deceiving people and making shady business decisions. To say that the movie f***ing glorifies debauchery is an understatement. Sure this lifestyle may look like a f***ing dream life, but it comes at a cost. Leonardo DiCaprio is at his usual best and Jonah Hill earns his second f***ing Oscar nomination (seriously). Also a f***ing sexy Margot Robbie leaves a lasting impression in her first major movie. Remember it’s 3 f***ing hours long, but I promise it won’t get boring. And that the movie uses the F word 569 f***ing times (you’ll get used to it). So if you’re prepared to experience a higher standard of living, then give The Wolf of Wall Street a f***ing watch.

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Naomi turns down Jordan’s advances

Water Water Everywhere

Signs is the first movie that got us to question M. Night Shyamalan as a director. Don’t get me wrong, Signs is a good movie. Its got an unsettling atmosphere, strong characters, and genuine scares. The main problem is the twist. Which I’ll get into later, but first I’ll talk about the plot. Signs centers on a former preacher named Graham Hess who lives with his kids and brother after his wife was killed. Everything starts to go wrong when several signs start to point to a possible alien invasion. Which leads to moments of fear and paranoia. Like the family watching important news reports and wearing foil hats. It wasn’t explicitly stated whether or not Mel Gibson’s character is a catholic priest. Which if he was, is a major problem, because they can’t marry or have children. Another problem that’s usually pointed out is the primitive CGI used on the aliens. They’re tall, grey, and look like standard aliens. However, the most glaring problem is the twist. SPOILER ALERT! The aliens were actually vulnerable to water the entire time. Which makes no sense, because why would aliens come to a planet that’s made up of mostly water? Signs has some problems, but as a whole, it’s still an entertaining Shyamalan flick that shouldn’t be dismissed.

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Unexplained crop circles