Super Mario Bros. was the first ever movie adaptation of a popular video game franchise. So basically it’s all just downhill from here, because Super Mario Bros. sucks. How hard is it to make a movie about a plumber (and sometimes his brother) who jumps, saves a princess, and either fights a giant dragon turtle or a giant ape throwing barrels. Instead we’re left with this confusing mess. Bob Hoskins plays Mario and John Leguizamo plays his “brother” Luigi. And get this, it turns out their last names are Mario (sigh). Instead of a bright colorful kingdom, we have a dirty dystopian city covered in fungus. Bowser is just Dennis Hopper making a fool of himself and his Koopa Troopa are giant lizards in trench coats with tiny heads. Oh yeah, and Princess Peach isn’t in the movie, just Princess Daisy. Don’t even get me started on the guitar playing guy named Toad or the miniature T-Rex named Yoshi. You don’t even have to be all that familiar with the Nintendo game to know it’s garbage. I’ve played the games many times, but I actually didn’t know about the movie when I was a kid. I guess I confused the box art for the game itself. Unfortunately, Bob Hoskins didn’t know it was a video game movie. So he had a miserable time making it. Video game movies never work, but this is just ridiculous.