Flame On!

The Fantastic Four was so bad it was never released. Thankfully ending Marvel’s woefully misguided attempt at live-action movie’s with non-existent budgets. The next victims to be pawned off as a cheap B movie were Marvel’s First Family. The extremely important team of superheroes that made Marvel who they are today. Thanks to Stan Lee & Jack Kirby creating them in 1961. The Fantastic Four had their share of animated shows, but it was a mistake to even attempt a live-action movie in 1994. With Roger Corman’s involvement no less.

The Fantastic Four was something I knew existed due to its infamy, but I honestly never thought I’d be able to see it. The movie is just as lazy as the 1990 Captain America. Which meant faithful costumes at a bargain price. Along with terribly overacted (or underacted) performances from actors who were once again chosen because they looked like the characters. Alex Hyde-White, Rebecca Staab, Jay Underwood, and Michael Bailey Smith/Carl Ciarfalio barely make an impression. Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic is bland with ridiculously slow stretch arms. Susan Storm/Invisible Woman is just a pretty face with poorly rendered invisibility. Johnny Storm/Human Torch tries too hard and he just throws fire. Until he flames on at the last second with atrocious CGI.

Ben Grimm/Thing is the worst among them. Ben has no presence and the makeup used on the Thing is laughable. Made worse by his melodramatic delivery. It’s definitely not clobberin’ time. The Fantastic Four sticks to the comics to a degree, but then they throw in a crappy original villain like the Jeweler. Victor von Doom/Doctor Doom is always present, but he’s just maniacally overblown. Alicia Masters is the closest thing to a serviceable interpretation. The origin lasts way too long with only the last 15 minutes devoted to costumed heroics. The Fantastic Four is an embarrassment I’m sure Marvel would like to hide away forever.

The Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four ready for battle

P.S. Since it was unreleased, I’ve supplied the full movie underneath.

5 thoughts on “Flame On!

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