The Rat King

The Nutcracker in 3D is more of a nightmare than a dream. Yet somehow this abomination is the dream project of director Andrei Konchalovsky. This is probably the worst Christmas movie I’ve ever seen. I thought 0% on Rotten Tomatoes was an exaggeration, but boy was I wrong. The Nutcracker in 3D is so bafflingly bad beginning to end. It’s also called The Untold Story, but NO child should stick around to hear it. Outside of awkward musical remixes of classic ballet music, hardly anything has to do with the original Nutcracker. The forced 3D is just a gimmick.

Mary is a monotone Elle Fanning whose parents leave her and her bratty brother on Christmas day. So an occasionally fourth wall breaking Nathan Lane babysits as their Uncle Albert… Einstein. I wish I was making that up, but it gets so much worse. The titular Nutcracker called N.C. is pure nightmare fuel. I felt genuinely uneasy staring at its dead wooden eyes. When the nightmare creation comes to life, Mary is whisked off to a dream with an enormous Christmas tree and more awkward living toys. A monkey man, a fat clown, and a Jamaican drummer.

No magic can come from the toys or snowflakes when that wooden image is on screen. Even when he becomes a Prince the imagery doesn’t get much better. They seriously turn the Rat King and his army of rats into Nazis with jet packs and robot dogs. And the Rat King is John Turturro as a Hitler Andy Warhol with a rat nose and occasionally freakish CGI rat teeth. Told you it would get worse. After an hour goes by, the remaining 50 minutes are in a rat Nazi controlled city where living toys are burned to make smoke. The Nutcracker in 3D should NOT be viewed by anyone during the Christmas season.

Nutcracker 3D

Mary and N.C.

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