Pan was Panned

Pan is a complete disgrace to the Peter Pan name. It’s honestly one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. An honor I only give to movies I hate on a personal level. Since I’m such a big Peter Pan fan, Pan was bound to anger me. Which is why I make the joke about Pan being panned by critics and audiences. Pan is a pointless prequel turned nonsensical origin story. Although I’ve tried to forget the movie, I remember every little change that annoyed me. Period director Joe Wright sets the film during World War II where Peter is an orphan left by his mother Mary played by Amanda Seyfried.

Levi Miller looks like Peter Pan, but this Peter is annoying, unimaginative, and no different from Oliver Twist. Pan is just another chosen one story where Peter gets his name from a pan flute that he wears. Peter and other lost boys are taken to Neverland by pirate kidnappers. There’s not much magic when all ships can fly, most of Neverland is a mining colony, and CGI fills in the rest. Pirates force children to mine for fairy dust. Hugh Jackman makes a fool out of himself as an extremely cringy Blackbeard who sings “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Blitzkrieg Bop.”

Since Blackbeard is the villain, James Hook is a charismatic miner played by Garrett Hedlund with no evil intentions whatsoever. There’s even an annoying line at the end about Peter and Hook always being friends. All mermaids are Cara Delevingne and Tinkerbell is just a random fairy with no personality. The worst offender is Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily. Most people focus on her playing a Native American, but it’s also the fact that she’s older and a love interest for Hook. Pan doesn’t have enough faith, trust, or pixie dust to make it fly.

4. Pan

Peter rides with Hook

11 thoughts on “Pan was Panned

  1. I haven’t seen this, but I understand your strong dislike. There are three remakes…and I know Pan is not a remake, that it is a prequel…that I would only watch if someone held a gun to my head–and I’m not kidding: The Taking of Pelham 123, The Vanishing (the remake of the 1988 Dutch film) and The Secrete in Their Eyes. I caution you to only see the original films; the remakes are a disgrace.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I understand your dislike too, sometimes reworking the mythology of a popular literary figure is a huge mistake and leads to trouble. The Sy-Fi channel did a pretty good prequel Mini-Series on Peter Pan that explains Pan’s origins much better.

    Liked by 1 person

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