The Mistress of All Evil

Maleficent ruined the greatest Disney villain in one fell swoop. Sleeping Beauty has been one of my personal favorite Disney animated films since childhood. Although I was open to the live-action Disney remake of Alice in Wonderland (2010), I was against Maleficent from the start. Most people know that Sleeping Beauty spends more time with its supporting characters than its titular princess. I’ll admit it made some sense to dedicate an entire movie to the more well defined villain, but not at the expense of her wickedness. It’s no surprise that Disney was inspired by the success of the Broadway play Wicked.

Maleficent was nearly an animated movie in the early 2000’s directed by Tim Burton. Other projects including Alice in Wonderland (2010) forced several delays. By the time Disney acquired Pixar, Maleficent became the latest live-action Disney reimagining. Despite attracting several prominent directors, the job ultimately went to production designer Robert Stromberg. By the time my brother and I saw Maleficent in theaters, we were equally frustrated with the sympathetic reevaluation of the classic fairy tale. Maleficent may miss the mark, but casting Angelina Jolie is about the only good thing to come out of it…

Maleficent casts her curse

Maleficent is technically the first live-action Disney Princess movie. Even though it’s from the perspective of the villain. Angelina Jolie was always the only choice to play Maleficent. She brought the Disney villain to life the same way Glen Close did for Cruella de Vil. It proved to be a major comeback for Jolie and the highest grossing film of her career. Though I don’t agree with its financial success, Maleficent did deserve an Oscar nomination for Best Costume Design. Maleficent has the long black horns, sharp cheek bones, and elegant black robes of her animated counterpart. Except her skin isn’t pale green. Although Maleficent’s name literally means “to cause harm,” she’s given a sympathetic backstory that makes it difficult to see her as the self-proclaimed “Mistress of All Evil.”

In the original fairy tale, the villain is the Wicked fairy. So the movie leans into her being a fairy by giving her wings. Isobelle Molloy and Ella Purnell play the young Maleficent with horns, pointy ears, long hair, and brown wings. Once upon a time, Maleficent lived in a magical forest called the Moors. Since Stromberg worked on Avatar, the Moors are basically a less inspired Pandora populated by ugly CGI creatures. Giant living trees serve as guards and alert Maleficent to a human thief. At first it seems like King Stefan will be Maleficent’s true love. The young Stefan is an orphan just like Maleficent. Apparently the opening was reshot several times and at one point included Maleficent’s aunt and uncle played by Miranda Richardson and Peter Capaldi. When they were removed, the focus was placed on her childhood romance.

Stefan specifically discovers fairies can be harmed by iron. Despite caring for Maleficent, Stefan seeks power from the human kingdom. Kenneth Cranham is the ruthless King Henry who wages war against the Moors. A grown up Maleficent swoops in and commands her army of trees to overwhelm them. On his death bed, the king promises his crown to the one who kills the fairy. The unlikable Sharlto Copley plays the older Stefan with a thick Scottish accent. Though he comes to warn Maleficent, he crosses the line by drugging her and chopping off her wings. For a PG rated Disney movie, the scene is very much a metaphor for rape. As much as I don’t want to sympathize with Maleficent, Jolie’s pained screams are uncomfortably convincing.

Maleficent fashions her staff out of a stick and rescues a crow to serve as her wings. Her pet bird Diablo is also ruined by Maleficent transforming him into a human servant named Diaval. Diaval emotes more than enough times as a crow, so having her talk to Sam Riley is a pointless change. When Maleficent learns why her wings were taken, she becomes the dark ruler of the Moors. The plot of Sleeping Beauty officially kicks in when they learn about the christening of the newborn Princess Aurora. I can almost look past the treatment of Maleficent, but I absolutely hate what Disney did to the three good fairies. Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather are now three selfish pixies named Knotgrass, Flittle, and Thistlewit. Not only are those terrible names, each actress has their face poorly rendered onto an uncanny CGI body.

After her brief CGI role in Alice in Wonderland (2010), Imelda Staunton plays the controlling Knotgrass modeled after Flora. Lesley Manville plays the prideful Flittle modeled after Merryweather. Juno Temple plays the airheaded Thistlewit modeled after Fauna. Although the three fairies know Maleficent from the Moors, they’re still invited by the closed off King Stefan. Not only is Queen Leah now named Queen Leila, Hannah New only appears in one scene. Arguably the one good scene in the entire movie. The christening scene is a perfect almost word for word recreation of the original opening. It’s the most evil Maleficent is allowed to be and even includes an evil laugh. Though Maleficent is more angry at Stefan than mad about not being invited. She uses her green magic to place a sleeping curse on Aurora, but Maleficent herself adds true love’s kiss only after Stefan begs.

Maleficent now uses her thorny wall to keep out the kingdom. Stefan has every spinning wheel in the kingdom destroyed like the original, but letting the fairies raise Aurora was a bad decision. The three pixies are an annoying trio of idiots who treat baby Aurora like an inconvenience, neglect her, and have no idea how to take care of her. They never even bother to call her Briar Rose. Only by ruining the three good fairies, are they able to turn Maleficent into a caring guardian. The only evil she does is casually messing with the pixies. For some reason, Maleficent and Diaval awkwardly watch Aurora grow up and do a much better job raising her. Jolie’s own 5 year old daughter plays the young Aurora when every other child actress was too afraid of her. Although Aurora is the third Disney Princess, the blonde and beautiful Elle Fanning is the first actress to play a live-action Disney Princess. Maleficent and Aurora officially meet when the former puts her to sleep and leads her into the Moors.

Aurora is so innocent and naive that she thinks Maleficent is her fairy godmother. They spend way too much time together and Maleficent starts to care for her “Beastie.” It gets to a point where she actually tries to lift the curse, but fails without true love’s kiss. Prince Phillip is just as neutral as Aurora. Brenton Thwaites has nothing to do aside from being the handsome prince. Phillip and Aurora awkwardly meet in the forest without a romantic duet. Aurora wants to live with Maleficent, but her aunts tell her the truth and she runs to the kingdom by herself. The queen casually dies off-screen and Stefan barely cares about his daughter’s return. If Maleficent is basically the hero, King Stefan is turned into an overly psychotic villain. Maleficent is too late to keep Aurora from pricking her finger, but she does bring the unconscious prince. SPOILER ALERT! Unfortunately, Phillip doesn’t save the day or even break the curse. After Frozen, it became painfully obvious that the Mistress of Evil would break her own curse.

Maleficent is not a motherly figure, but that didn’t stop Once Upon a Time from using those changes in later seasons of the show. Stefan and his army manage to trap Maleficent in an iron net. The final insult was ruining an iconic climax by having Maleficent transform Diaval into a dragon instead of becoming one herself. Instead Aurora frees her magic wings and she uses them to drop Stefan to his death. Without a kingdom, Aurora rules over the Moors with the loving Maleficent by her side. The three pixies are allowed to stay and Phillip is only there to smile at Aurora as they live happily ever after. Janet McTeer is the narrator who ends up being an older Aurora who ruins the fairy tale by calling Maleficent a hero and villain. Since Sleeping Beauty was never defined as a musical, the only song during the credits is “Once Upon a Dream” sung by a melodic Lana Del Rey. I know it will never be the definitive Sleeping Beauty, but Maleficent is still an insult to such a classic story.

Maleficent stands over Aurora

Live-Action Retelling of: Sleeping Beauty & Followed by: Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

I’m 5 Inches Tall!

Downsizing came up short. I remember the first time I saw the trailer and thinking the concept had potential. In order to prevent overpopulation, Norwegian scientists figure out a way to make people 5 inches tall. Rather than shrink people the science fiction way, people undergo an irreversible procedure that involves shaving all hair and removing dental fillings. The primary benefit is living in a wealthy community since resources are easier to come by when small. There’s so much you could do with this concept, but Downsizing doesn’t know what direction to take. Director Alexander Payne is known for dark humor, but only the trailer feels like a comedy.

Despite including comedians like Kristen Wiig or Jason Sudeikis, Downsizing is more like Payne’s societal commentaries. It’s 2 hours too long with several time jumps. Matt Damon plays the very ordinary occupational therapist Paul Safranek who agrees to downsize for a better life. Except that his wife played by Wiig backs out at the last minute, leaving him alone. When small people are no longer interacting with normal sized people, it’s easy to forget they’re even miniature. Paul lives in the domed city of Leisureland where he struggles to find purpose. Christoph Waltz plays Paul’s eccentric neighbor Dusan who makes the most of his little life. Udo Kier is his friend Joris who owns a boat that becomes important later.

Downsizing has many early celebrity cameos, but they all fall short of Hong Chau’s award-worthy performance. Ngoc Lan Tran is a Vietnamese political dissident with an amputated leg who was downsized against her will. Ngoc Lan is such a unique character that she can’t help but standout. Although some complained about her thick accent, her prosthetic leg and Christianity give her heart. She shows Paul how important it is to help the less fortunate. The story falls apart in the third act when an “end of the world” plot is introduced. Downsizing has an interesting concept and at least one great character, but they needed to think bigger.

Paul talks to the miniature Dave

A Documentary?

Idiocracy is not as dumb as it sounds. It’s a very real glimpse into our world populated by idiots… April Fools! Idiocracy may be fictional, but its prediction of the future is so accurate, it might as well be a documentary. Mike Judge is always good for social or political satire. Despite his success directing Office Space, Idiocracy wasn’t given a wide release or critic screening. Probably because it calls out a lot of major corporations like Fox itself. Idiocracy has a clever premise where Luke Wilson plays average Joe Bauers who ends up in a future dominated by morons. It was all part of a Military hibernation experiment that leaves Joe frozen until the year 2,505.

Along with Maya Rudolph as prostitute Rita who was brought on as the only female candidate. In the future, technology is dumbed down to the point of thinking for everyone. All the water is replaced by the Brawndo energy drink that owns half the corporations. Fast food is on every corner, trash is a mountain high, women dress provocatively, people only talk in slang, Ow! My Balls! is the #1 show, and Ass is the #1 movie. Hospitals, courts, prisons, and the White House are practically a joke. Not to mention Terry Crews as pro wrestler President Camacho. The only thing they didn’t predict was how sensitive the world would become, since Idiocracy is perfectly not PC.

When the entire world is stupid, an average guy like Joe is the smartest man in the world. He teams up with Dax Shepard as average idiot Frito who promises to take Joe and Rita to a time machine. Previous Judge collaborators David Herman and Stephen Root appear along with small roles for Justin Long and Thomas Haden Church. Luke’s older brother Andrew Wilson plays a rehabilitation officer. Although the world has lots of problems that only Joe can solve, Idiocracy isn’t entirely high stakes. It’s only 84 minutes since dumb people have a short attention span. Even if it does cater to idiots half the time, Idiocracy is a smart cautionary tale.

President Camacho engages the crowd

Miraculous Recovery

Miracles from Heaven is a miracle in this day and age. Happy Easter everyone! As a Christian, I’m happy to know faith based films are still being made with high profile actors who see something most critics don’t. Which is why audiences accepted Miracles from Heaven with open arms. Making it the eighth highest grossing Christian film and winning a Teen Choice Award for Choice Movie: Drama. It may not sound like much, but these are teenagers we’re talking about. Miracles from Heaven is very similar to Heaven is for Real. Both movies are based on books based on true stories about a child who saw Heaven after a terrible illness. The main difference is what the author and director Patricia Riggen chose to focus on.

Miracles from Heaven is all about the miracles we witness everyday without realizing it. Jennifer Garner rightfully earned plenty of praise as devoted mother Christy Beam. Though the real center of attention is her middle child Anna played just as well by Kylie Rogers. Anna suffers a great deal when she becomes afflicted by a rare intestinal disorder. Christy does everything in her power to save her daughter, but she does lose her faith. Martin Henderson is her husband Kevin who looks after their other two daughters back home. Brighton Sharbino is the oldest Abbie who feels a little neglected and Adelynn is the youngest who doesn’t fully understand what’s happening. John Carroll Lynch is their reverend who prays for them. The people around Christy and Anna end up helping a lot more than they realize.

Eugenio Derbez is a caring medical specialist who helps by making kids smile. As they travel from Texas to Boston, Queen Latifah shows kindness as a local resident. Though I was emotional, I didn’t start crying until Anna comforted another terminally ill child through her faith. Hannah Alligood is Haley and Wayne Péré is her father who doesn’t believe just yet. The entire movie builds up to Anna falling head first into a hollow tree and surviving. Christy’s faith is restored and we see another depiction of Heaven that may be my favorite one to date. Heaven is filled with color and light as Anna speaks with God before returning. It’s a beautiful scene and Anna being fully healed of her illness is a heartwarming conclusion. Miracles from Heaven will touch the soul no matter who you are.

Christy prays for Anna

Believing is Seeing

Heaven is for Real is a real delight. As a Christian, I’ve heard stories about people who have seen Heaven (or Hell) and come back to talk about it. I have faith in the truth of their shared experiences, but I know others choose to remain skeptical. Heaven is for Real is one of the more well known accounts by the 3 year old Colton Burpo. I remember hearing about him from my mom and on the 700 Club. Despite having the Academy Award nominated writer & director Randall Wallace and actor Greg Kinnear, Heaven is for Real was another faith based flick that critics didn’t accept.

Of course it was a financial success that made it the second highest grossing Christian film behind only The Passion of the Christ. Kinnear is the ordinary pastor and volunteer firefighter Todd Burpo. Though he faces many physical hardships, Todd’s faith is put to the test when his son nearly dies of appendicitis. The 4 year old Connor Corum is the real star as the innocent Colton begins to describe his matter of fact experience of Heaven. It was nice to see their depiction of Heaven with a holy light in the church, angels in the sky, and Jesus meeting with Colton. Todd continues to ask questions until he reveals more personal answers about his grandfather.

Kelly Reilly is Colton’s mother Sonja who has trouble believing until he mentions the sister he met in Heaven. His Earthly sister Cassie’s best moment is defending her brother from bullies. Thomas Haden Church is a friend and member of the church who worries about the attention from the story. Margo Martindale is another member who struggles with a deceased son who wasn’t brought back. The movie begins and ends with the 4 year old Lithuanian Akiane who painted Jesus after a similar experience in Heaven. I trust God to reveal all the answers when my time comes. Heaven is for Real is a respectful portrayal of paradise.

Colton walks with Jesus in Heaven

The Tablet of Reawakening

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves reawakens a once dormant franchise. Though an influential role-playing game and pillar of the fantasy genre, D&D movies were never given the Lord of the Rings budget they deserved. Dungeons & Dragons (2000) was a low budget disaster that suffered the same fate as most video game adaptations. It was not so quickly followed by 2 lousy made-for-TV and/or direct-to-video sequels that are equally hard to find. When the last movie was released in 2012, a reboot went into development the following year. Hasbro ended up suing Warner Bros, and the studio shifted from Universal to Paramount. Several filmmakers were on board at different points of production.

Eventually, Game Night directors Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley were ultimately chosen. Both were experienced D&D players, but Daley is a special case since his character Sam Weir played Dungeons & Dragons on the show Freaks and Geeks. Ironically, another nerdy show set in the 80’s would greatly increase the popularity of D&D in the 21st century. Stranger Things makes extensive use of the game, but I was still skeptical about Honor Among Thieves. I honestly had no idea how to feel about the lighthearted trailer set to “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin. Honor Among Thieves takes everything that doesn’t work about recent Hollywood adaptations and somehow delivers a genuinely fun adventure that’s hilarious, action-packed, heartfelt, perfect for newcomers, and D&D fans alike…

Edgin’s party on their quest

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves honors its source material, but doesn’t take itself too seriously. Comedic fantasies like The Princess Bride and Monty Python’s Holy Grail were used for inspiration. Along with more large scale fantasy adventures like The Lord of the Rings and Indiana Jones. I can certainly see the influence, but Honor Among Thieves is more like Guardians of the Galaxy in a fantasy realm. It’s one of the few intellectual properties to successfully pull off the Marvel formula. The humor is natural without feeling forced, action sequences are well thought out, the entire cast is likable, and CGI is never overdone. Much of the film was achieved with impressive practical effects. Longtime fans of D&D will appreciate just how many campaign settings, character classes, magical spells, and creatures are referenced from the game, books, and other extended media.

Honor Among Thieves takes place in the Forgotten Realms that were created by Ed Greenwood in 1967. It wasn’t until 1987 that the campaign setting was integrated into the Dungeons & Dragons lore. Revel’s End is an arctic prison where we meet the first two members of the party. With all its MCU influence, casting a Hollywood Chris was ideal. Chris Pine is the charismatic lute playing bard and plan making leader Edgin Darvis. Michelle Rodriguez is the goodhearted barbarian Holga Kilgore who accompanies him. Though Pine has played a lovable rogue before and Rodriguez always plays a badass woman, somehow they manage to feel fresh. Holga first shows her strength by taking down a hobgoblin while eating a potato in prison. Ed humorously recounts his tragic backstory at a pardon hearing attended by the Absolution Council.

We learn about his past service to the honorable Harpers, his happy marriage to wife Zia, and the birth of their daughter Kira. The primary villains are the evil Red Wizards of Thay who murdered his wife. Ed renounces the Harpers and takes the easy path of being a thief. Along the way Holga helps raise Kira and together they partake in elaborate heists. Although I don’t like him in every franchise he’s apart of, Justice Smith managed to win me over as awkward half-elf sorcerer Simon Aumar. His name makes him the descendant of the powerful wizard Elminster Aumar. Simon is unsure of himself, but his mage skills are visually unique. He uses a Spell Dispenser on his belt and actual sign language instead of nonsensical hand gestures. Simon joins their band of thieves alongside Forge Fitzwilliam.

Hugh Grant is as classy as ever, but he’s now known for playing sophisticated villains. Daisy Head is the intense and mysterious Sofina who is secretly a Red Wizard in disguise. She leads them to a “Tablet of Reawakening” that could bring Kira’s mother back to life. Sofina traps them in a Time Stop spell that gets Ed and Holga caught. The first really funny scene is Ed and Holga using the birdlike aarakocra Chancellor Jarnathan to escape prison despite their pardon being approved. They journey to the medieval city Neverwinter that is now ruled by Forge. As Lord of Neverwinter, Forge has been raising Kira played by the mixed race Chloe Coleman that Ed abandoned. Forge is quite clearly a con artist that’s been lying to Kira and working with Sofina. She orders their beheading, but Holga’s best display of strength is beating several guards at once and gaining an axe in the process.

At its heart, Honor Among Thieves is a heist movie. Ed and Holga plan to steal the treasure and tablet from Forge’s vault during the previously banned High Sun Games. Simon joins their party after a failed magic show that’s literally turned upside down. He suggests a shapeshifting druid that he once attempted to court. Sophia Lillis makes a minor comeback as Doric, the woodland tiefling druid who hates humans and fights in the Emerald Enclave resistance. Lillis doesn’t have the most personality, but Doric is the most powerful member of their party. She shows great dexterity in an impressive one-shot sequence of her infiltrating Forge’s castle to learn about the vault. Fans will recognize her owlbear form, but she also shapeshifts into a fly, mouse, bird, cat, deer, and snake.

The vault is sealed by powerful Mordenkainen magic that Simon is unable to break without the fabled “Helm of Disjunction.” The only way to learn about its location is by talking to Holga’s dead barbarian ancestors. Holga is shown to be a lot more complex since her tribe abandoned her for marrying an outsider. She stops to see her ex-husband Marlamin who turns out to be a halfling played by a miniature Bradley Cooper. It’s an unexpected cameo, but 2023 was a good year for Cooper. Though he’s moved on to another large barbarian, Holga gets the closure she needed. The graveyard sequence is easily the most hilarious scene in the movie. Simon uses a Speak with Dead talisman to bring ancient warriors back to life long enough to ask only 5 questions. It’s full of great dark comedy when they die abruptly in battle and die again after being asked pointless questions.

It’s in a flashback that we see our first dragon, but the most important piece of information is the helm being entrusted to Xenk Yandar. Bridgerton star Regé Jean Page steals the show as the even more charismatic paladin Xenk who has practically no flaws. Aside from taking everything too seriously. Ed hates him for being Thayan, but he explains his tragic backstory that also reveals Sofina’s evil plan. Long ago, Red Wizard Szass Tam used the horn of beckoning death to create an undead army in Thay. Ian Hanmore plays the overarching villain from the shadows with Sofina using Forge as a pawn. Xenk leads the party to the helm, but only if they swear to give the treasure back to the people. The Underdark is an underground cave where the helm is hidden.

Although Simon ruins their passageway, he recovers by discovering the Hither-Thither staff which is basically a magical Portal Gun. Xenk proves his sword fighting skills by taking down several undead assailants with ease. Until a dragon appears in the form of the morbidly obese Themberchaud. A silly scene for some is serious fan service for others. Themberchaud can barely fly, but he’s still a major obstacle that they manage to escape. Despite being overpowered, Xenk abruptly leaves their quest. Simon attempts to attune with the helm, but his ethereal ancestor doesn’t allow it. Although this is their lowest point, they do come up with an even more clever backup plan. They instead sneak a portal into the vault in a trippy sequence. Simon creating a malfunctioning image of Ed playing the lute is another standout moment.

Doric makes her way inside the vault, Holga fights more guards, and Simon attunes with the helm, but the plan fails when Forge captures them. Sofina gives them a fighting chance in the aforementioned High Sun Games. The deadly gladiatorial maze is filled with Easter eggs. The Underdark had intellect devourers, but the arena has a displacer beast and a mimic that looks like a treasure chest. Hardcore D&D fans will recognize live-action versions of characters from the 1983 Dungeons & Dragons Saturday-morning cartoon. Doric comes up with a genius plan using the infamous gelatinous cube. It’s the only reference from the game that I recognized. They face Forge on his boat filled with stolen treasure and manage to flee with Kira. Though they do the right thing when Sofina unleashes the beckoning death on Neverwinter.

The climax gives everyone a chance to use their best attributes against Sofina. She creates a dragon golem for Ed and Holga to fight and uses iconic spells like Bigby’s Hand on Simon. Doric delivers the final blow as an owlbear. SPOILER ALERT! Despite the lighthearted tone, Ed using the tablet on a dying Holga is a heartfelt moment when he realizes how much of a mother she was to Kira. They become a family again and Doric gives Simon another chance. Xenk returns only to catch Forge who fails to escape prison the way they did in the beginning. Honor Among Thieves was actually the first movie that my brother and I decided to see in IMAX. It made an already enjoyable experience even more thrilling. I’d love to see sequels, but unfortunately Honor Among Thieves was another 2023 box office bomb. It was either poor marketing or the Dungeons & Dragons title that kept people from giving it a chance. Whatever the reason, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is a very worthy D&D adaptation that rolled a perfect score.

Edgin’s party in the Underdark

The Knights of the New Son

Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book of Vile Darkness is the last forgotten sequel to the terrible Dungeons & Dragons movie. When I say forgotten, I mean it was practically impossible for me to find an uncensored copy in English. It only aired once in 2012 as a Syfy Original Movie and was never released on DVD in America. The Book of Vile Darkness came out 12 years after the first film and bears no connection to anything. The only thing it has in common with Wrath of the Dragon God is the director.

No characters return and the movie has an unsuitable R rating. There’s a lot more gore, disturbing creatures, and naked women running around. I know the role-playing game can get intense, but this is too much. The titular Book of Vile Darkness is as evil as it sounds, so purehearted Knights of the New Son use light to subdue it. Grayson is another generic paladin lead who makes a lot of questionable decisions to rescue his father. Like joining a party of obvious unsavory characters. Akordia is a seductive and ruthless Shadar-kai sorceress who wants Grayson.

Seith is just a throwaway assassin. Vimak is the only halfway decent barbarian Goliath. Though he’s overshadowed by the particularly unlikable undead Vermin Lord Bezz. They slay a CGI dragon that looks just as bad in 2012 as it did in 2005 and 2000. An undead girl is also poorly rendered and too uncomfortable to look at. Lord Shathrax is technically the villain even though he doesn’t appear till the end. Despite all the bad he’s done, Grayson manages to overcome evil at the last minute. It’s probably a good thing the movie is so hard to find. Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book of Vile Darkness is too vile and too dark for its own good.

Lord Shathrax is revealed

Preceded by: Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God

The Orb of Faluzure

Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God is the first forgotten sequel to the terrible Dungeons & Dragons movie. After 5 years, Wrath of the Dragon God first aired on the Sci-Fi Channel. A TV budget meant even worse CGI than the already awful CGI from the original. Yet Wrath of the Dragon God is actually a minor improvement. It’s still a bland fantasy that barely lives up to the popular role-playing game, but several problems are fixed. The only returning actor is Bruce Payne as the villain’s right hand man Damodar.

Damodar doesn’t wear goofy blue lipstick, but he does seek revenge after 100 years of being undead. The titular dragon god is the poorly rendered Faluzure that Damodar plans to awaken with the powerful Orb of Faluzure. Payne’s performance is more over-the-top compared to the rest of the unknown cast. This time the central party actually reflects nearly every attribute from the game. Lord Berek is a fighter married to Melora the mage.

Though it seems like she’ll join the party, Melora is cursed and seeks answers alongside head mage Lord Oberon. Lux is a beautiful barbarian, Dorian is a wise Cleric, Ormaline is a lovely elf wizard, and Nim is a roguish thief. They’re not exactly three dimensional, but their campaign is more believable. Damodar is aided by a deceptive lich and several other creatures with terrible effects. Izmir is saved from the dragon god, but he’s no Smaug. Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God isn’t worth it for what little effort was put into it.

Dorian fights the white dragon

Preceded by: Dungeons & Dragons & Followed by: Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book of Vile Darkness

Let Their Blood Rain from the Sky!!!

Dungeons & Dragons lacks strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma. Although I’d consider myself to be fairly nerdy, I never played or understood D&D. All I know is that it’s been the most successful role-playing game since Gary Gygax & Dave Arneson developed it in 1974. Growing more popular and controversial in the 80’s. An animated series in 1983 was the first bit of expanded media, but a movie was always considered. Even though D&D is all about players creating their own character, establishing their own party, and using their imagination. I had no idea there was a Dungeons & Dragons movie in the year 2000 or that New Line Cinema released Lord of the Rings just one year later. While the latter is a fantasy masterpiece, the former is one of the worst movies ever made. Hard to believe high caliber directors were nearly considered.

I don’t know D&D well enough to judge its accuracy, but I know how embarrassing it must’ve been for longtime D&D fan Courtney Solomon. He did everything in his power to be the director, even if it meant breaking up with his girlfriend, and making it the biggest budget independent film at the time (not that it shows). The dungeons, dragons, landscapes, and creatures have some of the worst CGI of the early 2000’s. The campaign setting is just a generic kingdom called Izmir that is ruled by mages. The main characters are thieves who look like they don’t belong in an adventure like this. Justin Whalin is blank slate Ridley Freeborn. Marlon Wayans of all people is his incredibly annoying black stereotype comic relief sidekick Snails. Together they must steal a map that leads to the Rod of Savrille that needs a ruby called the “Eye of the Dragon,” and I’m already lost.

The party is no more interesting with Zoe McLellan as bland mage love interest Marina, Lee Arenberg as grungy dwarf Elwood, and Kristen Wilson who really wanted to play Norda the elf. Edward Jewesbury, Richard O’Brien, and Tom Baker were all dragged into the movie as well. Just one year after American Beauty, Thora Birch decided to give up with her role as the monotone Empress Savina. Her underacting is only matched by Jeremy Irons overacting. Dungeons & Dragons is without a doubt, the worst performance of the Academy Award winning thespian’s career. Profion chews the scenery as he plots to rule the kingdom by controlling red dragons. Bruce Payne is also over-the-top as his foot soldier Damodar who wears unintimidating blue lipstick. The climax is like a video game cutscene with CGI gold dragons fighting against CGI red dragons. Dungeons & Dragons is a rip-off of better adventures despite having more than enough lore to draw from.

Profion and Damodar control a dragon

Followed by: Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God

This is No Game

Game Night lives up to the hype. I’ve never had an actual game night with adult friends, but I knew I’d enjoy the movie as soon as I saw the trailer. The concept won me over with the titular game night having very real and dangerous consequences. It might not have worked in the wrong hands, but directors Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley proved to be a lot funnier than they were on Vacation (2015). Jason Bateman was originally gonna direct, but he’s better suited as the highly competitive Max. Max meets his equally competitive and excitable wife Annie while playing bar trivia.

Rachel McAdams sells the role just as much as Bateman. Max and Annie play games like charades, Pictionary, and various board games. I personally appreciate all the pop culture references. Their weekly game nights include high school sweethearts Kevin & Michelle and single friend Ryan. Although Ryan dates a lot of dumb girls, Billy Magnussen is actually the dumb one. Sharon Horgan is his much smarter date Sarah. Lamorne Morris and Kylie Bunbury are a believable couple, but Kevin spends a lot of time on Michelle’s possible celebrity fling from her past. Kyle Chandler is Max’s more successful brother Brooks who organizes a fake kidnapping with a step by step mystery.

It all goes wrong when the kidnappers turn out to be real. Game Night is hilarious before the twist, but the humor just keeps escalating until they’re no longer clueless about what’s going on. Though self-contained on one night, several key players pop up played by Jeffrey Wright, Chelsea Peretti, Danny Houston, and Michael C. Hall. The biggest scene stealer is easily Jesse Plemons as creepy lonely police officer Gary and his adorable dog Bastian. Gary is continually left out of game night, but his role ends up being very important. Game Night didn’t have to be R rated, but it’s funnier when the violence feels real. It helps that there is an emotional core between brothers and couples. Game Night is a game of life that keeps you guessing and laughing along the way.

Max and Annie arrive for Brooks’ game night