You Don’t Know Jack

Jack the Giant Slayer is a tale of two fairy tales. Although the title was supposed to be “Jack the Giant Killer,” the plot is closer to “Jack and the Beanstalk.” Either way Jack became the next fairy tale character to face a specific monster. Although Jack the Giant Slayer was in production longer than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter or Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It was actually movies like Alice in Wonderland (2010), Red Riding Hood, and Snow White and the Huntsman that sped up the process. I had little interest in Jack the Giant Slayer, but for some reason my brother saw it in theaters by himself. Mostly because it was the last film Bryan Singer directed before returning to X-Men.

Unlike his early work, Jack the Giant Slayer is an overblown CGI fest. It’s PG-13 for violence, but there is a somewhat kid friendly tone. Once upon a time, Nicholas Hoult was the brave farmboy Jack who ended up with magic beans that grew into a giant beanstalk. It’s just the details that are different. Jack trades his horse instead of a cow, he lives with his uncle instead of his mother, and the harp isn’t important. Eleanor Tomlinson is the lovely Princess Isabelle who wants to marry for love. Ian McShane is the King Brahmwell who wants what’s best for the Kingdom of Cloister. Meanwhile, Stanley Tucci is the secretly evil Lord Roderick who is betrothed to the princess. Ewan McGregor steals the show as the king’s dedicated knight Elmont. They’re stock characters, but the adventure is more fun than I was expecting.

Jack climbs the beanstalk to rescue Isabelle from the giants. Similar to “Jack the Giant Killer,” there are multiple giants with equally bad motion capture CGI. Giants are ugly and gross, but they’re also fierce warriors. Bill Nighy is the two-headed giant General Fallon and John Kassir is his dimwitted smaller head. Fee-Fye-Foe-Fumm is worked into the movie as the names of his soldiers. Humans and giants are united by a crown that Roderick uses to control the latter. Jack doesn’t slay many giants, but each one counts until he and the princess live happily ever after. The ending actually takes us to modern day London where the story of Jack became the fairy tale we know today. Jack the Giant Slayer doesn’t always know its audience, but I know not to take any modernized fairy tale too seriously.

Jack climbs the beanstalk