Seven Mighty Thunderbolts

The Adventures of Hercules is somehow even more ridiculous than the previous Hercules (1983) set in outer space. Like Steve Reeves, Lou Ferrigno returned to play the demigod at least one more time. He’s just as muscular as he was before. The opening credits in space rip-off Superman II and recap every one of Hercules’ physical feats from the first movie. The sequel centers around the Seven Mighty Thunderbolts that are stolen by jealous gods. Zeus and Athena are forced to send Hercules back to Earth when the Moon is thrown off orbit. The rebellious gods are led by Hera now played by Maria Rosaria Omaggio. Along with Nando Poggi as Poseidon, Margie Newton as Aphrodite, and Laura Lenzi as Flora.

They’re not exactly villains, so William Berger is brought back as the scientific King Minos alongside Dedalos. Hercules has no love interests despite being joined by two attractive women. Milly Carlucci plays Urania who calls upon Hercules with help from Little People who bear a striking resemblance to the twins from Mothra. He rescues Urania from silly looking Slime People. Sonia Viviani plays her sister Glaucia in danger of sacrifice to a poorly rendered fire monster. Most of the movie consists of Hercules defeating various creatures and claiming one of seven thunderbolts. The first thunderbolt is found by fighting a hairy beast. The second is found in a cave where Serena Grandi plays Euryale who is secretly a stop-motion Gorgon with a scorpion tail.

After an important underwater trip, the third is found in a forest where an evil white knight trapped human souls in hanging dolls. When Glaucia is sacrificed to the aforementioned fire monster Antaeus, Hercules discovers the fourth thunderbolt. The fifth is easily strangled out of the spider queen of the Amazons Arachne. The sixth is easily found in space inside a rock, but the heroes are betrayed. The climax is infinitely more bonkers with Hercules and Minos becoming animated constellations who transform into a dinosaur and gorilla. The seventh thunderbolt is a surprise, but it does lead to Urania becoming a muse. If you thought Hercules was overpowered before, he literally uses his bare hands to keep the Moon from colliding with Earth. The Adventures of Hercules is one wild adventure indeed.

Hercules travels with Urania and Glaucia

Preceded by: Hercules (1983)

The Strongest Man on Earth

Hercules (1983) is an odd mix of sword-and-sandal and science fiction. It’s another Italian film based on Hercules, but director Luigi Cozzi was known for the 1978 Star Wars rip-off Starcrash. Though based on Greek mythology, Hercules (1983) takes a bizarre cosmic approach with Mt. Olympus on the moon. Much like Hercules (1958), the movie starred professional bodybuilder turned actor Lou Ferrigno. He may be the Incredible Hulk, but Ferrigno idolized Steve Reeves and jumped at the chance to play the heroic demigod. Ferrigno is definitely big, muscular, and seizes any opportunity to flex. Though his voice was dubbed like everyone else, he still won a Razzie. Hercules is created by starlight and sent to Earth as an unborn baby by Zeus.

Claudio Cassinelli plays the more fatherly Zeus, Delia Boccardo plays the protective Athena, and Rossana Podestà plays the conniving Hera. Hercules is born to a slain king and queen and ends up floating down the river like Moses. Though baby Hercules strangling serpents comes from myth, his adopted parents are closer to Superman. The adult Hercules fights off a bear, but his parents are both killed. From then on, Hercules vows to learn the ways of the force- I mean seek his fortune. This time the villain is King Minos played by William Berger. Minos is obsessed with science and invents robotic monsters aided by Dedalos played by the transgender Eva Robin’s. Hercules fights a robotic insect, a robotic hydra, and a robotic centaur. Brad Harris plays Augias who has him fulfill only one of his Twelve Labors to clean the Augean stables using rushing water.

Although I’m surprised it wasn’t R rated, Hercules (1983) is filled with beautiful half-naked women. Razzie winner Sybil Danning was supposed to play the love interest, but she played Minos’ villainous daughter Ariadne instead. Ingrid Anderson plays the lovely Princess Cassiopeia who was never romantically linked to Hercules. When she’s kidnapped, Hercules unknowingly teams up with an elderly witch revealed to be Circe the sorceress. Mirella D’Angelo is seductive, but Circe helps Hercules out of love. She helps him grow so he can separate the continents and find a chariot that he makes fly by swinging heavy rocks. It’s just as ridiculous as it sounds. Hercules enters Minos’ labyrinth in Atlantis where he claims the sword of Thebes. Hercules rescues Cassiopeia from a fiery pit and the gods aren’t heard from again. Hercules (1983) makes the most of two opposing genres.

Hercules with the sword of Thebes

Followed by: The Adventures of Hercules

Rise Together or Fall Alone

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is the off the wall continuation I wanted to see from the MonsterVerse. The MonsterVerse was always meant to culminate with Godzilla vs. Kong. After pitting two of the biggest Titans against each other, I’m not sure anyone knew where to go from there. When Godzilla vs. Kong proved very successful in theaters and on streaming, the franchise expanded in 2023 with two streaming shows. Skull Island is an animated series released on Netflix centering around Kong’s time on the monster inhabited island. Although it didn’t feature much Kong despite being animated.

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is a much more ambitious Apple TV+ series that didn’t have much Godzilla, but had an excuse since it was live-action. Both shows were enough to satisfy my kaiju obsession, but Toho proved they were still on top when they released the Academy Award winning Godzilla Minus One the same year. Although it’s hard not to compare Godzilla movies, The New Empire is a completely different beast that celebrates the 70th anniversary just as much as Minus One. Minus One is a somber thought-provoking masterpiece and The New Empire is an over-the-top popcorn flick…

Godzilla and Kong join forces

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is the first MonsterVerse movie with a returning director. Adam Wingard continues to please fans by putting the monsters front and center. In fact, the entire opening centers around Kong establishing dominance in Hollow Earth. The Kong motion capture is just as good with only a few modifications. Notably a more distinguished grey beard and prominent scars. Kong is chased by a pack of Wart Dogs and scares them off when he bathes in their green blood. As long as it’s green, they maintain their PG-13 rating. As usual, Kong tries to eat the Wart Dog, but he has a bad toothache. Though he follows what sounds like a giant ape, Kong is sadly reminded of how alone he is. As the opening credits roll, we learn that Kong is the alpha in Hollow Earth and Godzilla is the alpha on the surface.

Godzilla emerges in Rome, Italy to fight the giant half-spider half-squid Titan Scylla that was first introduced in Godzilla: King of the Monsters. The Godzilla motion capture may not win any Oscars, but he’s definitely more agile than before. Godzilla uses his atomic breath to make a mess of Rome and takes a victory nap inside the Colosseum. The human cast is overshadowed as usual, but it’s not like I ever expect the depth of Minus One. Like previous installments, only a handful of characters actually return. Rebecca Hall returns as the more successful scientist Dr. Ilene Andrews. For some reason, she now has short hair with blonde highlights. Kaylee Hottle also returns as Ilene’s deaf Iwi daughter Jia who now goes to high school. Jia feels like she doesn’t fit in and experiences visions of Hollow Earth.

Although they never officially met on screen, Ilene reaches out to Bernie Hayes played by a returning Brian Tyree Henry. He’s still a crazy conspiracy podcaster, but Bernie helps her identify Jia’s pyramid shaped drawings. Her visions are caused by a signal from Hollow Earth that Monarch picks up. It also causes Godzilla to awaken and attack a French power plant where he absorbs its radiation. Kong returns to the surface just to take care of his infected tooth. I can honestly say I never expected to see Kong receive high tech dental work, but I feel like anything can happen at this point. Alexander Skarsgård is replaced by a Titan veterinarian named Trapper played by Dan Stevens. Except Trapper is much more laid back and plays an assortment of hit rock songs. Kong gets a new metal tooth and communicates with Jia before returning to Hollow Earth.

They decide to follow him in order to investigate the mysterious signal. Bernie is desperate to see and record Hollow Earth, so he joins Ilene, Jia, and Trapper. The latter shows off their aircraft’s cloaking device that’ll be important later. Alex Ferns is the harsh pilot Mikael who doesn’t last long. They find the underground Monarch outpost destroyed and manage to evade danger. Kong reclaims his axe and discovers an uncharted region where he finally finds more giant apes. Although the first ape is a lot smaller than he is. As soon as I saw the trailer, my initial thought was Son of Kong. Though you can use Mini Kong and Baby Kong, his real name is Suko. Suko is technically an adolescent with orange fur. It makes Kong using his body like a rag doll to fight off aggressive apes even funnier. Though Suko brushes him off initially, he bonds with Kong when he takes down a sea serpent and they feast on its remains.

Although most of the action is in Hollow Earth, Godzilla continues to keep Monarch busy on the surface. Rachel House is the only recognizable actress holding down the fort. Monarch tracks Godzilla to the Arctic where he levels up by defeating Tiamat. Tiamat is a Titan from the comics that resembles a sea serpent with an extra dose of radiation. It would explain why Godzilla’s blue dorsal plates and atomic breath are now pink. Meanwhile, the humans find a subterranean lair populated by a surviving Iwi tribe. Like Kong: Skull Island, the Iwi don’t speak, but we now know they communicate telepathically. Fala Chen is the Iwi Queen who welcomes Jia as one of their own. Ilene voices her concern that Jia will choose to stay with her people instead of her and it’s probably the most depth any character gets. Bernie and Trapper’s bromance is mostly for comic relief.

SPOILER ALERT! The Iwi live inside a protective barrier and await the return of Mothra. I knew the Queen of the Monsters had to return after leaving an egg at the end of King of the Monsters. It only makes sense to combine the tribe from King Kong with the tribe from Mothra. The humans discover the history of the war between the Titans and the great apes. Godzilla trapped the apes in a fiery cavern deep beneath Hollow Earth. Kong is shocked to find so many apes, but he’s not given the warmest welcome. The New Empire is filled with long periods without talking. You don’t need subtitles to understand Kong helping a mistreated ape and confronting their ruthless leader. For the first time ever, Kong has another ape to fight. Skar King is a slender red ape with glowing eyes who uses a bladed whip made out of bones. It’s a deadly weapon that gets the better of Kong’s axe.

Skar King’s other weapon is a glowing crystal that can control an imprisoned Titan named Shimo. Shimo has the power to bring about the next Ice Age. Skar King uses his arctic breath to freeze Kong’s hand. Suko leads Kong to safety and helps when more apes pursue him. Kong manages to find the subterranean lair when he senses Jia. Trapper just so happens to have a mechanical power glove for Kong that Monarch left in their Hollow Earth outpost. It’s a cool look that Kong manages to pull off. Though it’s not the same as the twins, Jia is the only one who can awaken Mothra. She returns with a golden glow and majestic wings that we finally see in broad daylight. Only Mothra can unite sworn enemies like Godzilla and Kong. Kong gets Godzilla’s attention in Cairo, Egypt. Of course Godzilla would rather fight.

They destroy most of the pyramids, Godzilla uses his much more powerful atomic breath, and Kong counters with his robotic fist. Mothra intervenes and manages to bring them together with Jia’s help. It’s the first time we’ve ever seen Godzilla, Kong, and Mothra on screen together. Skar King rides Shimo and prepares to attack the surface with an army of apes. Bernie somehow helps the tribe reverse gravitation in order to keep them from leaving. Trapper helps by using his cloaked aircraft to draw in a swarm of winged creatures. Godzilla and Kong have their hero moment when they run towards Shimo and Skar King. The climax gives both giant apes and giant lizards an equal opponent. The gravity change isn’t enough to keep Skar King and Shimo away from the surface.

They emerge in Rio de Janeiro where Shimo freezes the atmosphere. Mothra uses her silk on the remaining apes and Suko helps by retrieving Kong’s axe. The final fight lays waste to Rio, but Suko manages to destroy the crystal. Godzilla convinces Shimo to freeze Skar King and Kong finishes him off. In the end, Jia chooses to stay with her adoptive mother Ilene. Mothra rebuilds the barrier and flies off on her own. Kong and Suko bring Shimo back to the apes who declare him leader. Godzilla simply goes back to sleep in the Colosseum. Although Kong gets way more attention than Godzilla, the movie only works because they’re both in it. No matter how awkward the Godzilla x Kong title is. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is a love letter to the Shōwa era I never knew I wanted.

Godzilla and Kong join forces with Mothra

Preceded by: Godzilla vs. Kong

Is this You… or are YOU You?

Futureworld is a lot less amusing than it should’ve been. Westworld had a lot of potential for a sequel, but Michael Crichton and MGM weren’t interested. Although Futureworld sounds simple enough, the story is overly complicated. After the mishap at Westworld, Delos has shut down the park, but reopened with 2 new attractions. Medieval World and Roman World are unaffected since they didn’t get most of the media’s attention. Spa World is a strange new addition since it doesn’t really fit the theme. The still in development samurai themed Eastworld makes a lot more sense.

Futureworld is of course the titular new park that has a space theme. There are plenty of interesting attractions like skiing on Mars, holographic chess, robot boxing, and a dream recorder that features a strange erotic dream sequence with Yul Brynner returning as the Gunslinger. We see other characters in different worlds like the first movie, but the sequel drops most of it by the second act. Peter Fonda plays newspaper reporter Chuck and Blythe Danner plays TV reporter Tracy. Not only do they compete for a story, they have a distracting love/hate relationship.

Chuck suspects foul play and uncovers a conspiracy with Tracy’s help. Arthur Hill plays Mr. Duffy who tries to make the park look good. John Ryan plays Dr. Schneider who encourages the use of robots as technicians. Stuart Margolin plays the last trustworthy human Harry. Although Harry is friends with a low-grade robot affectionately named Clark. The final act completely forgets about the parks in favor of a conspiracy thriller involving clones of world leaders. The idea is creepy, but it’s not what made Westworld so good. Though it made leaps in the use of CGI, Futureworld is more dated than anything.

Clark the robot

Preceded by: Westworld

…Where Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong

Westworld is as amusing as it is terrifying. Science fiction author Michael Crichton wrote it as an original screenplay and even directed it himself. It was Crichton’s very first story about an amusement park breaking down. Before there was Jurassic Park, there was Westworld. The 1973 movie is way ahead of its time. Though the title suggests only one amusement park, Delos consists of three distinct time periods including: Roman World, Medieval World, and Western World. Despite inherent danger in every world, they assure guests nothing can possibly go wrong. State of the art lifelike robots are programmed to never harm humans. Safeguards are put in place to avoid accidental gunfire.

Most of the action takes place in Westworld with James Brolin as John and Richard Benjamin as Peter. John is determined to have fun, but Peter is skeptical until he starts to loosen up. Westworld is the ultimate Western fantasy where guests pay $1,000 to shoot gunslingers, stop bank robberies, get into bar fights, and sleep with robot prostitutes. Gene Roddenberry’s wife Majel Barrett plays the bordello owner. Though Westworld is the focus, Norman Bartold is the primary guest of Medieval World who woos the lovely queen and fights a black knight. Roman World is barely seen, but you get the idea. Alan Oppenheimer is the chief supervisor of Delos who overlooks a virus that slowly affects the robots.

Despite malfunctions, the parks remain open until everything goes wrong. Yul Brynner is the face of Westworld who plays a confrontational Gunslinger that Peter shoots on two separate occasions. Until he shoots John and ruthlessly hunts down Peter. His robotic vision is the very first use of digital image processing in film. Although a lot of the early park activities are amusing, the final act is downright terrifying. Robots kill every guest, Delos technicians are powerless to stop, and Peter is left fighting for his life. There’s so much potential for this concept that I’m not surprised it led to a sequel, a short-lived CBS series, and an acclaimed HBO series. Westworld says a lot about how much we’re willing to immerse ourselves in a world that isn’t real.

The Gunslinger starts smoking

Followed by: Futureworld

Red Lectroids from Planet 10

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension exists in its own little world. The movie originated from author Earl Mac Rauch. Screenwriter W. D. Richter read his first book and was determined to direct one of his stories. Rauch kept starting and stopping screenplays about the character Buckaroo Banzai. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai is a science fiction action adventure comedy romance. Buckaroo Banzai himself is a neurosurgeon, a physicist, a martial artist, a test pilot, and a rock star. There are so many great nerd movies from 1984, but I just don’t get the appeal of Buckaroo Banzai. Though it was initially written off by critics, it was destined to have a cult following. A mostly unknown Peter Weller plays the multi-talented Banzai who feels very unassuming. He fights, studies, and sings with a group of allies called “The Hong Kong Cavaliers.”

Jeff Goldblum plays New Jersey who wears a cowboy suit. Lewis Smith plays the bleach blonde Perfect Tommy. Clancy Brown plays gun-toting Rawhide. Pepe Serna plays Reno Nevada, Billy Vera plays Pinky, and Michael Santoro plays Billy Travers. Very few of them stand out. Bill Henderson joins them as pilot Casper Lindley and so does his young son Scooter. Ellen Barkin plays Penny Priddy who he meets at their only gig. It gets confusing when she ends up being the long lost twin of his late wife. Robert Ito is Buckaroo’s Chinese mentor Professor Tohichi Hikita who helps him develop an “overthruster” for his Jet Car. More confusing is the car crossing the titular 8th Dimension that starts an invasion of Red Lectroids from Planet 10. Banzai is the only one who can see the aliens for what they really are.

John Lithgow hams it up as the Italian mad scientist Dr. Lizardo. All the Lectroids are named John for some reason. Lizardo is possessed by Lord John Whorfin who plots to destroy the Earth. Christopher Lloyd is the oddly named Red Lectroid John Bigbooté. Vincent Schiavelli is another Red Lectroid named John O’Connor. Red Lectroids are at odds with Black Lectroids led by Rosalind Cash as John Emdall. A young Carl Lumbly is the Jamaican Black Lectroid John Parker who assists Banzai. The President is also involved. I want to like Buckaroo Banzai, but its tone is so deadpan that I can’t even see it as campy fun. With the exception of a TV series, it does make sense that books, comics, and video games came out of the movie. A sequel was never made despite an awkward promise of one at the end. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension will only appeal to so many people.

Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers

Not followed by: Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League

500 Years in the Future

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century is a glorified TV pilot for a forgotten series. It’s another late 70’s sci-fi adventure inspired by Star Wars which was inspired by Flash Gordon which was inspired by Buck Rogers. I always find it unfortunate when the founder of a popular concept doesn’t get the recognition it deserves. Buck Rogers is the original space adventurer created by Philip Francis Nowlan as far back as 1929. He first appeared in comic strips before making the leap to comic books, novels, radio, film serials, and television. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century was a TV revival created after the massive success of Star Wars. Despite having a clear TV budget, the pilot was released in theaters. I knew the name Buck Rogers and the parody Duck Dodgers, but never the story.

Buck Rogers was an astronaut from 1987 found frozen aboard his space shuttle Ranger 3 and awakened 500 years in the future. He’s a man out of time adjusting to an Earth that’s been affected by a nuclear holocaust and rebuilt as the futuristic Inner City. Ship designs look almost exactly like X-wings, but space battles are far less impressive. The tone is pretty cheesy with an electronic soundtrack. Gil Gerard is your basic cocky 20th Century man. Captain Rogers’ space suit is a not so colorful white jumpsuit paired with a ray gun. Model Erin Gray plays the female Colonel Wilma Deering of Earth’s military fleet. Despite opposing Rogers, she falls for him very quickly. The villainous Princess Ardala also falls for Rogers immediately. Pamela Hensley wears a variety of revealing outfits.

Ardala commands the Draconia flagship that secretly plots to conquer Earth with pirate ships. Henry Silva is by her side as Kane, but it’s her father Emperor Draco played by a flamboyant Joseph Wiseman who calls the shots despite limited screen time. Along with Colonel Deering, Buck meets Tim O’Connor as Earth defense leader Dr. Elias Huer. His allies are a diminutive robot named Twiki and an advanced computer named Dr. Theopolis. Like R2-D2, Felix Silla is the man in the machine, but Mel Blanc provides his speech between beeps. Buck Rogers seduces the princess, fights the hulking Tigerman, blows up enemy ships, and gets the girl. Defeating the bad guy will just have to wait for the next episode that they’re clearly teasing. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century has some cool ideas, but they should’ve been reserved for TV.

Captain Buck Rogers and Colonel Wilma Deering meet Princess Ardala and Kane

It’s the Things We Love Most that Destroy Us

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes is the inevitable prequel of a once successful franchise. Lionsgate wanted to make spin-offs, but Suzanne Collins gave them inspiration when she wrote The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Despite only coming out in 2020, the movie was released 3 years later. I wasn’t exactly excited after the lackluster finale Mockingjay – Part 1 & 2, but I was willing to return to Panem. I’m just glad returning director Francis Lawrence didn’t split the prequel in parts like The Hobbit or Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Even if it does make The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes an overly long 2 hours & 38 minutes. It is however split in parts that feel like separate movies. The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes takes place 64 years in the past during the 10th Hunger Games. Series villain President Coriolanus Snow is controversially the protagonist. Unlike Anakin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader, Snow’s moments of evil feel more random than earned.

Newcomer Tom Blyth still feels worthy of Donald Sutherland’s role. Coryo is the son of a Capitol war hero living in poor conditions with his cousin Tigris and Grandma’am. The transgender Hunter Schafer is Coryo’s voice of reason and Fionnula Flanagan expects a lot from the family. Part 1: The Mentor reveals the 10th Hunger Games to be the first time mentors were implemented to make the show more entertaining. Turns out Snow fell in love with a girl from District 12 long before he met Katniss Everdeen. Unlike Katniss, Lucy Gray Baird is more of a lover than a fighter. The far less likable Rachel Zegler is essentially a coal miner’s daughter from a traveling group called Covey. Zegler’s singing is put to good use with songs like a new rendition of “The Hanging Tree.” Lucy Gray stands out with her colorful dress and defiance. Fellow West Side Story co-star Josh Andrés Rivera is also defiant as mentor friend of Coryo, Sejanus Plinth. Respected cast members with silly character names include Viola Davis, Peter Dinklage, and Jason Schwartzman.

Davis hams it up as sadistic gamemaker Dr. Volumnia Gaul. Dinklage is more reserved as original game creator Dean Casca Highbottom. Schwartzman is the sole comic relief TV host Lucky Flickerman who channels Stanley Tucci. Part 2: The Prize is more interesting since it focuses on a primitive version of the Hunger Games. They fight in a small Capitol arena that’s ruined in a rebel bombing. Regardless of how many Tributes stand out, it’s still uncomfortable to see their fates play out. Coryo falls for Lucy Gray and helps her cheat by directly interfering in the games. If Lucy Gray is the songbird, then rainbow colored muttation snakes fulfill the rest of the title. Part 3: The Peacekeeper can’t live up to what already felt like a climax. Snow is forced to work as a peacekeeper under Burn Gorman’s ruthless Commander Hoff. The District 12 romance between Coryo and Lucy Gray feels natural until he ruins it by accepting who he is. The ending makes sense if you’ve seen The Hunger Games, but it is disappointing as a standalone conclusion. The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes is better when the Hunger Games are a focal point.

Coriolanus Snow protects Lucy Gray Baird

Followed by: The Hunger Games

Too Much Noise

Chaos Walking is nothing but chaos. The production was especially chaotic despite promising source material. Chaos Walking is based on the YA book series of the same name by Patrick Ness. The first book is called The Knife of Never Letting Go, but they went with the series title instead. Despite having Spider-Man and Rey, Chaos Walking was a major box office bomb. It was delayed several times after poor test screenings, the Pandemic, and Tom Holland and Daisy Ridley’s respective commitments to Far From Home and The Rise of Skywalker. Charlie Kaufman wrote the initial draft, but we’ll never know if it would’ve been better. Chaos Walking is a very difficult concept to adapt for the screen. Unlike Patrick Ness’ previous adaptation A Monster Calls.

Chaos Walking takes place in a dystopian future where everyone can see and hear thoughts. The Noise only affects male colonists on the planet New World. The idea of always knowing someone’s thoughts is intriguing, but there’s no way for it not to look silly. Trying to focus with so much constant noise is practically impossible. Holland is the young, but not 12 year old Todd Hewitt who tries to be a man. It would’ve been significantly more entertaining if we actually heard his dog Manchee’s thoughts like in the book. Todd lives in the all-male Prentisstown where the women have mysteriously been wiped out by aliens called the Spackle. Until a girl suddenly crash lands on New World. Ridley is Viola Eade who was sent to scout the planet.

Turns out women have no Noise and it wasn’t difficult to figure out that’s the reason they’re gone. Mads Mikkelsen is the unsurprisingly evil Mayor Prentiss who hunts down Viola. Nick Jonas is uncharacteristically obnoxious as his son Davy. David Oyelowo is way too cartoonishly psychotic as the town preacher. Demián Bichir and Kurt Sutter are Todd’s fathers who lead him in the right direction. Todd and Viola have no chemistry or defined characteristics aside from boy and girl. I’ll admit some of Todd’s male thoughts are unintentionally hilarious. They both discover another colony where women are still alive and Cynthia Erivo is the mayor. The climax lacks any real excitement when we know The Ask and the Answer and Monsters of Men won’t be made. Chaos Walking is like a knife that never lets go until you forget all about it.

Todd and Viola on the run

I’m 5 Inches Tall!

Downsizing came up short. I remember the first time I saw the trailer and thinking the concept had potential. In order to prevent overpopulation, Norwegian scientists figure out a way to make people 5 inches tall. Rather than shrink people the science fiction way, people undergo an irreversible procedure that involves shaving all hair and removing dental fillings. The primary benefit is living in a wealthy community since resources are easier to come by when small. There’s so much you could do with this concept, but Downsizing doesn’t know what direction to take. Director Alexander Payne is known for dark humor, but only the trailer feels like a comedy.

Despite including comedians like Kristen Wiig or Jason Sudeikis, Downsizing is more like Payne’s societal commentaries. It’s 2 hours too long with several time jumps. Matt Damon plays the very ordinary occupational therapist Paul Safranek who agrees to downsize for a better life. Except that his wife played by Wiig backs out at the last minute, leaving him alone. When small people are no longer interacting with normal sized people, it’s easy to forget they’re even miniature. Paul lives in the domed city of Leisureland where he struggles to find purpose. Christoph Waltz plays Paul’s eccentric neighbor Dusan who makes the most of his little life. Udo Kier is his friend Joris who owns a boat that becomes important later.

Downsizing has many early celebrity cameos, but they all fall short of Hong Chau’s award-worthy performance. Ngoc Lan Tran is a Vietnamese political dissident with an amputated leg who was downsized against her will. Ngoc Lan is such a unique character that she can’t help but standout. Although some complained about her thick accent, her prosthetic leg and Christianity give her heart. She shows Paul how important it is to help the less fortunate. The story falls apart in the third act when an “end of the world” plot is introduced. Downsizing has an interesting concept and at least one great character, but they needed to think bigger.

Paul talks to the miniature Dave