Rise of the Blood Queen

Hellboy (2019) is a major insult. Not just because it’s one of the worst superhero bombs in recent memory, but because it killed Hellboy III. Guillermo del Toro and Ron Perlman’s third installment that should’ve been made. Hellboy was already pretty niche as a Dark Horse Comics adaptation, so making a reboot was a baffling decision. Horror director Neil Marshall took over and the project became a gritty R rated reboot. Like Perlman, Stranger Things star David Harbour already had the Hellboy look. So I gave Hellboy (2019) a chance despite the overly comedic trailer looking kinda bad.

Hellboy (2019) is just as tryhard as it looks. With the Hellboy makeup trying too hard to be gritty and an entirely unwarranted R rating. It’s just characters dropping F bombs every few minutes and excessive gore that’s more disgusting than entertaining. The CGI blood squibs are pretty awful too. Harbour tries, but his unfunny agro Hellboy isn’t as charming. Other characters suffer for the sake of being different. Ian McShane’s Professor Broom is too rough, Liz is swapped for lesser known medium Alice, and Abe is swapped for unlikable werejaguar Ben Daimio. Ed Skrein dodged a bullet when Daniel Dae Kim was cast in his place.

The only Mike Mignola character done justice is Thomas Haden Church as vigilante Lobster Johnson. Unfortunately it’s in a seriously crappy recreation of Hellboy’s Nazi unleashed origin. The uninspired conflict follows the Arthurian legend with Milla Jovovich as the dismembered Blood Queen who seeks to rule. Hellboy works with a less interesting B.P.R.D. and confronts the disgusting Baba Yaga. Giants are fought, a nasty pig fairy rebuilds Nimue, demons wreak havoc, and Hellboy becomes Anung Un Rama. Too bad I nearly fell asleep in the theater several times. What’s really funny is an Abe Sapien cliffhanger that they seriously thought would spark a sequel. Hellboy (2019) should be sent below where it belongs.

3. Hellboy

Hellboy with B.R.P.D.

7 thoughts on “Rise of the Blood Queen

  1. I didn’t even bother watching this one when I saw the trailers for it. In my mind it just couldn’t be as good as Del Toro’s Hellboy, and honestly I also though it was way too soon for a reboot. As this review proves, I guess I wasn’t wrong in avoiding this one, and have no intention in the immediate future to change my mind for it either 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yeah wayy too soon for a reboot, even Killing the chance of Guillermo’s Hellboy III? That sucks. And what also sucks is that I was excited for David Harbour getting a big lead role opportunity, after his compelling work in Stranger Things. How did he do as Hellboy?

    Liked by 1 person

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